November 14, 2018

Dear Tower Families,

It is with the deepest sadness that we share the news that our friend and Head of School, Tim Delehaunty, died unexpectedly this morning. We are devastated by the loss of our dear colleague. Our entire community will need time to process and mourn. To begin, we ask parents to talk with their children before arriving at school tomorrow. This will give you the opportunity to share this sad news as a family. See below for guidance from our school counselor for helping children process grief.


Although school will convene as usual tomorrow, it will be anything but a normal day. Our teachers are prepared to help our students grieve in age-appropriate ways. However, we understand that every person in the Tower community will need time to process and grieve this tremendous loss in their own way. School Counselor Sarah Gold and additional counselors from the Marblehead Counseling Center will be at school to offer support to students, parents and faculty tomorrow and Friday.


The Delehaunty family has requested that we honor their need for privacy and time together as a family throughout the weekend. We will reach out to you in the near future with ways our community can support the family.

GUIDANCE FOR HELPING CHILDREN PROCESS GRIEF
It can be difficult to know how to begin a conversation with your child about death, however, it is best to be honest with your child. It would be completely appropriate to say, "I have some very sad news to tell you. Mr. Delehaunty died this morning." Although this may seem abrupt, giving this kind of information in abstract ways (such as the person went to sleep or passed away) can be confusing for children and may cause long-term anxieties. Truthfulness is always the best way to handle this difficult situation.

One important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to react. Your child might cry or ask questions, or they might have no reaction at all. Any reaction or non-reaction is ok for them to have. Our children learn from what we, as parents, model to them. Understanding that strong and difficult emotions are acceptable to have and express is an essential life lesson.

Older children often have more ability to understand the finality of death and this can lead to larger conversations about life. However, these same children may then regress to behaviors that seem more appropriate to younger children, such as difficulty concentrating, being overly silly, or holding onto a stuffed animal. Connecting with their friends/peers is often important for older children as well and can be an essential part of their grief process.

Encouraging all children to process their emotions is very important. This can be done through talking with you, a teacher, counselor or friend. Doing activities like sports, journaling, or drawing are also appropriate ways of expressing oneself. It is normal for kids to have negative behaviors surface as well. Talking about these behaviors and trying to help your child understand what is underneath their actions is the best way to handle these situations.  

Included below are some links with more information about how to talk with your children about death.

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201612/the-dos-and-donts-talking-child-about-death
• https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/death.html
• https://www.growbeyondwords.com/helping-your-middle-schooler-cope-with-loss/

Sincerely,

Dean Sidell

Associate Head of School, CFO