NAIS - Helping Students Develop a Leadership Blueprint

About 10 years ago, Elizabeth, a former student, had come barreling into my office after receiving word that she’d been accepted at her first-choice college. I still remember how her mega-watt smile and widened eyes revealed a combination of amazement and disbelief. (All names have been changed.)

As she stood before me, I saw a confident, thoughtful high school senior—a young woman whose genuine kindness and enthusiasm were remarkable, and whose generous spirit and charm had helped her become a leader in her local youth group, the treasurer on student council, and a community service organizer.

In that moment, I also thought about how much Elizabeth had developed over the previous four years. She initially struggled to find her way among peers who may have seemed more sophisticated. As a freshman, Elizabeth admitted to feeling isolated and alone. During many lunch periods, she started out in a bathroom stall, hiding out and scarfing down her lunch, before spending the rest of the period in the library. She lacked the “edginess” that can mistakenly seem a prerequisite for middle school and high school popularity, and her loyal, devoted, and inquisitive spirit could easily have been crushed without encouragement and guidance.

But Elizabeth spent her four years in high school cultivating her own pathway to success in a way that allowed her to identify her own values. She is now the associate program director at an organization that trains our next generation of teachers.

When I started working with students on organization and time management, I had no idea how much that work—revolving around developing intrinsic motivation, enhancing critical thinking, and forming daily habits—would transform the way students navigated their classroom, school, and community experiences. As the students I’ve worked with have become leaders in their own lives, they’ve also become effective leaders among their peers and community members. Caroline became editor of her school’s digital literary magazine after realizing she had the power to make a positive impact, and later helped convince her school to redesign its curriculum to include a much-needed health and wellness class for freshmen. Henry, who had been labeled an underperforming class clown by his sophomore-year teachers, became a senior-year retreat leader, lead musician in a band, and honor roll student. Michael, who was shy and reserved as a freshman and struggled to keep up with the expectations of honors classes, became the president of his senior class and captain of the varsity basketball team.

Much of my work has focused on cultivating authentic and sustainable leadership by helping students develop their own blueprint for success rather than borrowing someone else’s. In many ways, the importance of encouraging students to identify their interests came out of a conversation I had with a journalist who had interviewed thousands of people about their careers. Those who were most satisfied often found that their career choices stemmed from something they enjoyed doing in middle school and high school. Yet, many of today’s students have difficulty identifying what they truly enjoy or giving themselves the freedom to explore new interests, because they are fixated on an external definition of success and achievement.

In a world in which “authentic leadership” has become something of a catchphrase for so many competing ideals, how do we help our students become tomorrow’s leaders in a world that is changing constantly? When we talk about leadership, it’s easy to get caught up in the notable accomplishments and quick successes, but identifying foundational values and habits that encourage a growth mindset helps students develop the deeper and more sustainable leadership skills they will need long after the college acceptances have arrived. After all, many of today’s jobs didn’t exist 15 or 20 years ago, and the next few decades will continue to bring about remarkable change.

When students are encouraged to develop their own blueprint for success, they are encouraged to become leaders in their own lives. They are empowered to believe in their abilities in a way that plants the seeds for future success—often in ways that exceed initial expectations or counterproductive comparisons, and the ripple effects extend far beyond their immediate circle. What follows are five essential components for helping students to develop their leadership potential by creating their own blueprints for personal and academic success.

Create opportunities for authentic self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Many students, particularly in high school, can become fixated on setting goals and hitting milestones without being aware and accepting of their own skills, abilities, and interests. They can become caught up in what everyone else is doing (or seems to be doing) and lose sight of their personal journey. Students who don’t identify themselves as leaders may downplay or underestimate their potential, and others might experience disappointment when something doesn’t go as planned. Creating collaborative experiences that encourage students to explore new activities is key to helping them develop a growth mindset and a thirst for lifelong learning—fundamentals for strong leaders.

At the same time, it’s equally important to encourage self-acceptance and self-compassion within the growth mindset. I wrote The Myth of the Perfect Girl after meeting so many girls who had similar grades, scores, and activities but who couldn’t tell me what they liked to do for fun. My research (and my own personal experiences) showed me how the culture of perfectionism takes root in the lives of so many young girls and women who become stuck, feeling as though nothing is ever good enough. More and more boys, particularly in high-achieving communities, are becoming saddled with many of the same expectations.

TIP: The teen years are a naturally precarious time in terms of identity development. To encourage reflection that promotes self-acceptance, ask open-ended questions like these: “What is something new you want to try this semester?” “What skill would you like to improve?” and “What is one area where you are really proud of your development over the past year?” along with “Which personal skills are you really proud of?” “What do you love about yourself?” and “If there is one new interest you could pursue, what would it be and why?”

Promote values identification and skills exploration.

According to Common Sense Media, teens spend approximately nine hours using some form of media every day—not including time spent completing homework online. It’s easy to overlook all the content students consume that tells them (consciously or subconsciously) how to look, act, feel, and be.

Students today can quickly become overwhelmed by the confluence of messaging from peers, parents, other family members, and the media. When I visit schools and ask students to identify their top three to five values, many get truly excited about the simple exercise because no one has ever asked them to identify their values—all too often they are told what they should value. True leadership is most powerful when we encourage students to identify their own values, and to ask themselves if their daily choices are moving them toward those values or away from them.

TIP: Design a grid of 25–30 common values or interests (see Sample Values Grid at end of article) and have students identify which three to five values are most important to them and why. Then, ask them if their daily habits are moving them closer to or further away from their values. For instance, if a student values physical wellness but is sleep-deprived because he is distracted by technology, ask him how his daily habits can be refocused to be more aligned with his values.

Focus on daily habits and incremental progress.

Many students today face the ultimate paradox: The same tools they need to use to complete their work—tablets, computers, and other electronic devices—often provide some of their biggest distractions, keeping them from completing their work efficiently, effectively, and before midnight. One of the most important things we can do to allow students to build their own blueprint for success is to reframe their efforts and focus on daily habits—managing distractions, mono-tasking instead of multitasking, getting enough sleep—and measure incremental progress with daily, weekly, and monthly reflections.

It’s no secret that students today feel overscheduled and sleep deprived, and feeling overwhelmed is one of the reasons so many students feel inclined to grab on to someone else’s blueprint for success rather than developing their own—after all, it is hard to think clearly when you are utterly exhausted. Sleep deprivation interferes with students’ abilities to be active and engaged members of their school and greater communities.

For Henry, becoming more organized—managing his papers, turning in his assignments on time, and getting his homework done more efficiently—allowed him to have more time to practice the drums. As he got better, he played in school rallies and became part of his school’s spirit squad. Being organized gave him the confidence to take healthy risks on his leadership journey.

TIP: Students often are too overwhelmed managing daily activities to be able to spend time identifying and pursuing interests. Helping students find ways to manage their workflow—using physical binders, digital folders, and paper planners—is often a critical step in encouraging them to become leaders in their own lives. Great questions to ask are “How do you manage distractions?” and “How and when does your work get completed most efficiently and effectively?” Schools that have advisory or study skills classes can incorporate binders, planners, and time and energy management as part of the curriculum.

Redefine failure.

By the time students reach middle school and high school, they can be less likely to take healthy risks and try new things as a fear of failure sets in. Redefining failure is all about reframing how students look at taking risks. The only real failure comes when we don’t allow ourselves to explore opportunities that are in line with our values, interests, and personal goals. To do so, sometimes we have to “take the B.” To a perfectionist, the idea of getting a B on a test or exam might be anathema, but the notion of actively “taking the B” refers to the idea of choosing where and how we allocate our time and resources.

For instance, when Michael decided he wanted to take his relatively newer interest of playing basketball more seriously, it meant giving up baseball. His family had a long history around baseball, but he knew he needed to “take the B” on baseball because it wasn’t possible for him to play two sports at such a high level given his other commitments. His decision paid off—his high school basketball team ended up going to the California state finals his senior year, and he was a walk-on for an Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) basketball team in college.

TIP: When it comes to exploring ideas and interests, the only true failure is not trying something or not being open to a new opportunity. Trying something that doesn’t work out is simply a part of many journeys. One simple exercise is to have students look at something—in their personal lives or a national event—that seemed like a failure at the time and then think about all the positive tangential experiences or happenings that may have resulted from what initially felt like a failure.

Bolster buoyancy through time-travel reflection techniques.

We often talk a great deal about the importance of resiliency, or the ability to bounce back from setbacks or unexpected outcomes. Successful leaders are also buoyant—that is, they are flexible and adaptable and able to decrease the amount of energy and effort it takes for them to regroup when something doesn’t go as planned. Students who are resilient and buoyant are able to bounce back with less mental and emotional energy.

Organizational psychologist and noted author Adam Grant’s time-travel technique can encourage reflection in a way that bolsters buoyancy. The idea is that looking back over a certain period of time and reflecting on progress and new opportunities that have happened can help students look beyond the here and now. For instance, my student Elizabeth sat in my office as a senior and reflected on how far she had come since freshman year socially, emotionally, and academically, and it bolstered her confidence in her ability to move forward in college and beyond.

TIP: Encourage students to reflect on their progress in school and life from a semester or year ago. These questions help students in their reflection: “What has happened that you are proud of?” “What was something positive that you learned through your experience?” and “If something didn’t go as planned, what was something you learned that was beneficial for you?”

A Blank Slate

Creating spaces where students understand and explore their interests and feel safe to talk about dreams, disappointments, and bouncing back are foundational and critical steps in helping students design their own blueprint for academic, social, and emotional growth and development. In many ways, the power of the independent school experience to encourage leadership within the classroom and beyond starts with encouraging students to mindfully use a blank slate to develop their own simple, flexible, and curious blueprint.

Sample Values Grid

Need help creating a personal values grid to use with students? Here are some words to potentially include:

Abundance
Commitment
Compassionate
Connecting to Others
Creativity
Determination
Emotional Health
Emotional Wellness
Empathy
Environment
Family
Flexibility
Freedom
Friendship
Fun
Humor
Integrity
Joy
Kindness
Leadership
Loyalty
Personal Growth
Physical Health
Privacy
Recognition
Respect
Service
Spirituality
Trust
Vitality